|10/6/2009 8:00:00 AM|
Ode to the golf ball, and another Carlin moment
|In my hand I hold a ball; white and dimpled, rather small.|
Oh, how bland it does appear, this harmless looking little sphere.
By its size I could not guess, the awesome strength it does possess.
But since I fell beneath its spell, I've wandered through the fires of hell.
My life has not been quite the same, since I chose to play this stupid game.
It rules my mind for hours on end. A fortune it has made me spend.
It has made me swear and yell and cry; I hate myself and want to die.
It promises a thing called par - if I can hit it straight and far.
To master such a tiny ball should not be very hard at all,
But my desires the ball refuses and does exactly like it chooses.
It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies and even disappears before my eyes.
Often it will take a whim to hit a tree or take a swim.
With miles of grass on which to land, it finds a tiny patch of sand.
Then has me offering up my soul, if only it would find the hole.
It's made me whimper like a pup and swear that I will give it up,
And take a drink to ease my sorrow, but that stupid ball well knows,
I'll be back tomorrow!
Let us now revisit some other wisdom of the late comedian George Carlin. This time it is George's advice on how to stay young:
1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him or her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants and hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but not to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
11. And always remember: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession, even to the Supermarket which was a few blocks from the house.
After she kept insisting, he finally relented. But he cautioned her as she departed:
"Remember, if you have an accident, The Sentinel will publish your age!"
After the woman's conviction of murder in the second degree and during her sentencing hearing, the District Attorney said to her:
"Mrs. Grey, after you put the arsenic in the stew and served it to your husband, didn't you feel even a little remorse for what you were doing?"
"I did," she said calmly.
"And when was that?" asked the D.A.
"When he asked for seconds," she replied.
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