|8/25/2009 8:00:00 AM|
Some answers about men, God and dogs
|1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them. |
2. Why did the man cross the road? Because he heard there was a strip club there.
3. Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop to ask directions.
4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
5. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.
6. Why are blonde jokes always so short? So men can remember them.
7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Nobody knows. It never has happened.
8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? Men like that already have boyfriends.
9. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
10. When does a woman care for a man's company? When he owns it.
11. Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
12. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
Here are 10 possible reasons that God created Eve:
10. He worried that Adam would get lost in the Garden of Eden because Adam wouldn't ask for directions.
9. He knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the television remote control because He knew men wouldn't want to see what's on TV; they would want to see what else is on.
8. He knew that Adam never would make a doctor's appointment.
7. He knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, Adam never would buy a new one.
6. He knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
5. He wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but He knew Adam never would be able to handle labor pain and childbirth.
4. He knew that Adam, as the keeper of the Garden of Eden, would need help in finding his tools.
3. He knew the Apple incident was coming and that Adam would want somebody to blame for it, and to blame for anything else that really was Adam's fault.
2. As His Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."
And, the No. 1 reason of all: God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared:
"I can do better than that."
It has been suggested by some men that it's better to have a dog around the house than to have a wife, citing the following reasons:
1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7. A dog's parents never visit.
8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11. Dogs seldom outlive you.
12. Dogs can't talk.
13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
15. Dogs like to go hunting.
16. Another man seldom will steal your dog.
17. If you bring another dog home with you, your dog will happily play with both of you.
18. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"
19. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
20. Dogs are not allowed in department stores.
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