|6/24/2008 8:00:00 AM|
Here is a foolproof method of assigning new employees
|1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.|
2. Put your newly hired employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after an hour.
4. Then analyze the situation as to what each employee is doing with the bricks.
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.
An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, "What's wrong?"
The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says: "I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She's a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper. She is extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate."
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?"
The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I can't remember where I live!"
This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"
The guy shrugs and says, "Well, I guess I'll have the bad news first."
"Well, the bad news is that you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies.
The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the very bad news?"
The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
That's enough frivolity for today. To finish this offering, consider carefully this advice for a successful life from that famous New England philosopher of the 19th century, Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is the meaning of success."
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