Sentinel Valentines Love Lines

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Saturday, February 6, 2016
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home : considered comment : january 2008 February 6, 2016

1/22/2008 2:53:00 PM
Men are easy to please: Just use this handy gift guide
BY JACK K. OVERMYER
President and Owner, The Sentinel

 Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.



When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I've heard of a man who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.



If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" George then says, "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

       

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

       

Never buy men bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

       

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go into a trance as he flips, and flips, and flips.

      

Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. They do not stink; they are earthy.

       

Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

      

Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.

      

Good places to shop for men include stores like Fansler Lumber, Home Depot, New Holland, Smith Farm Store and Fulton County Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears  are also excellent men's stores.) It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")

Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook but they will barbecue. (No one knows why). Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

      

Tickets to a Colts game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

      

Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why, please refer to what happens when he gets a label maker.

      

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

      

Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least to the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.





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