|7/31/2007 3:39:00 PM|
Events happening to people you've never met
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with a big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.
Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."
Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."
A blonde is driving along the Interstate when her car gets a flat tire, so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk, takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing themselves to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.
It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, app-roaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, officer," says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the officer.
"Helllllooooo," she says, incredulously, "those are my emergency flashers!"
George Bernard Shaw, the prolific playwright, cabled the following invitation to Winston Churchill:
"Have reserved four tickets for my first night. Come and bring a friend, if you have one. Shaw"
To which Churchill replied:
"Impossible to come first night. Will come second night, if you have one. Churchill."
When my brother got his master's degree, our family treated him to a dinner cruise on Chesapeake Bay. A couple celebrating their seventh wedding anniversary were seated nearby.
The husband called over, "Master's degree - that's quite an accomplishment."
"So is seven years of marriage," my brother replied.
"Yeah," the man said, "but you're done."
While visiting Las Vegas, my boyfriend and I decided to take a break from losing money and go see a magic show. The magician performed a complicated trick, which ended with a bird flying out of his hat.
Afterward, he asked if there were any questions.
"Yeah," my boyfriend yelled. "How'd you do it?"
"Ah," joked the magician, "if I told you, I'd have to kill you."
Whereupon a voice from the back of the theater called out, "Can you tell it to my mother-in-law?"
An elderly couple were about to get married, each for the second time. She said, "I want to keep my house." He said, "That's fine with me."
She said, "And, I want to keep my Lincoln Towncar." He said, "That's fine with me."
She said, "And I want to have sex three times a week!"
He said, "That's fine with me. Put me down for Fridays."
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