1. Can you cry under water?

2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping"; now I just "chunky dunk."

3. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

4. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only "a penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you have to wear the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

9. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

10. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

11. Why are you in a movie, but you're on TV?

12. Why do people pay to go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

13. How come we choose from just two people for president and fifty for Miss America?

14. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does that person call?

15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up.

16. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up in our life we could simply press "Delete" and start all over, just like on our computer?

17. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

18. Just remember that if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

19. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

20. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

21. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.



While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they resumed their trip, but the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table.

She didn't miss them for about 20 minutes. They had to drive quite a distance to find a place to turn around and return to the restaurant.

All the way back, the husband became the classic grouch. During the entire return drive, he fussed, complained and scolded his wife for the trouble she had caused them. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the husband yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat."