An insurance firm put a sign in the window saying "Help Wanted. You must be a good typist and have good computer skills. Successful applicant must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air.

The receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised to see a canine applicant. However, the dog looked determined so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you must be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to quickly type a perfect business letter. He took out the page with his mouth and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair, wagging his tail.

The manager was stunned, but told the dog, "That was fantastic, but I'm sorry. The sign clearly says that whomever I hire must have computer skills."

The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded to

demonstrate his expertise with various programs. He produced a sample Excel spreadsheet, a sample PowerPoint presentation, retouched a picture with Photoshop, and then printed all of them for the manager.

The manager was dumbfounded. He said to the dog, "Listen, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you're a dog! There's no way I can hire you!"

The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw at the words, "Equal Opportunity Employer."

The exasperated manager said, "Yes, I know what the sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked him straight in the eye and said, "Meow."

Comedian Bob Hope, who lived to be 100, possessed a humor that is timeless. Some examples:

On turning 70: You still chase women, but only downhill.

On turning 80: That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

On turning 90: You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

On turning 100: I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

On giving up his early career, boxing: I ruined my hands in the ring; the referee kept stepping on them.

On never winning an Oscar: Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, Passover.

On golf : Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the greens fees.

On presidents: I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

On why he chose showbiz for his career: When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, "Congratulations You have an eight-pound ham."

On receiving the Congressional Gold Medal: I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

On his family's early poverty: Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.

On his six brothers: That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.

On his early failures: I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

On going to heaven: I've done benefits for all religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.