Somewhere, it is written that marriage is conducted by a set of rules, which are:

1. The Female always makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possible know all the rules.

4. If the Female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by the rules, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule 5.

17. Every house belongs to the oldest female living there.

As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. "How did everything go?" her mom asked.

"Oh, Mother," she began, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time. But, Mother, on our way back, Andy started using really horrible language. Stuff I'd never heard before. Really terrible four-letter words. You've got to come get me and take me home. Please, Mother!" The new bride sobbed uncontrollably over the telephone.

"But, honey," the mother countered, "What four-letter words?"

"I can't tell you, mother, they're too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, you must tell me what has gotten you so upset. Tell Mother what four-letter words he used."

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother, words like dust, wash, iron, cook."

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."



A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 40th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof! The wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.

He said; "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."

So the fairy picked up her wand and poof! The husband was 90 years old.

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied.

The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.

When it comes time for the groom's vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live."

The groom was astonished. He gulped, looked around and finally said, in a tiny voice, "I shall." The groom then leaned toward the minister and whispered, "I thought we had a deal."

The minister put the groom's $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."