Messages seen on the shirts of some women with obvious attitudes:

So many men, so few who can afford me.

God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all - I just can't remember it all.

My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich.

Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

I'm out of estrogen - and I have a gun.

Guys have feelings too. But who cares?

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody - and you're next.

And your point is?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Of course I don't look busy - I did it right the first time.

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

If you can send one man to the moon, why can't you send them all?



You know that you need a new car when:

You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

You accidentally drive into a junkyard and on your way out get accused of stealing.

The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."

The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker.

You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo just stolen from a newer car.

The valet puts on a crash helmet and body armor before parking your car.

The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.



See if you can understand this phonetic spelling checker:

Eye halve a spelling chequer

It came with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect awl the weigh

My chequer tolled me sew.

-Sauce unknown