The young son of some atheists went to his parents one day, and said, "Do you think God knows we don't believe in Him?"   

Atheists are really often put on the spot; they have to sing, "Hummmmmm bless America."   

Did you hear about the atheist who was complaining about dial-a-prayer. He finally got the telephone company to give him equal time. Now they've got dial-a-prayer for atheists. You call a number and nobody answers.

"Definition of an atheist: One who denies the existence of God and has a concrete mind: permanently set and all mixed up."   

Athiests have their own holiday: April 1st.

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American, doesn't it?

A young polar bear asks his father, "Dad, am I 100 percent polar bear?"

The father bear responds, "Well, son, I am all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your grandparents, even your great-grandparents are 100 percent polar bear. So yes, son, you are 100 percent polar bear. Why do you ask?"

The young polar bear replies "Because I am really cold!"

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible patrons who would drive while drunk.

At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"

"To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"

The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.

The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription."

It's all in the punctuation:

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."



A family of skunks was trapped in a thicket, surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves that were edging even closer.

The mother skunk calmly instructed her young: "Quickly children, let's put our heads together!"

After they obeyed, forming a circle, she continued, "Now - let us spray!"

Two guys of limited intelligence are trying to measure a telephone pole. They keep trying to climb it and keep sliding down. Along comes this really big, musclebound shmuck and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing?"

They say, "We're trying to measure the height of this pole."

The schmuck wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts it back in the ground, says "40 feet" and walks away.

The first guy says to the other, "What a stupid idiot - we wanted the height, not the length."

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.

First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.

Second woman: I know.

First one: How?

Second one: My dog told me.