Television age information is given in tersely-phrased statements, called sound bites. One might say that it tries to speak to us in aphorisms, except that a true aphorism is a nugget of philosophical wisdom, not the  blip of contemporary fact one hears from the tube.

Here are some actual aphorisms along with identity of their authors. After reading them through a few will linger in your mind longer than will any of tonight's network news accounts. And make more sense, too:

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore; And that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash.

There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age. - Charles Augustin Saint-Beuve.

Youth is a blunder; manhood a struggle; old age a regret. - Benjamin Disraeli.

Senescence begins, and middle age ends, the day your descendants, outnumber your friends. - Ogden Nash.

A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Next to the very young, I suppose the very old are the most selfish. - William Makepeace Thackeray.

A man's worst difficulties begin when he is able to do as he likes. - Thomas Henry Huxley.

One's eyes are what one is; one's mouth, what one becomes. - John Galsworthy.

Tact consists in knowing how far to go in going too far. - Jean Cocteau.

Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes. - Oscar Wilde.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Kin Hubbard.

Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody. - John Churton Collins.

If you want to know what a man is really like, take notice how he acts when he loses money. - New England proverb.

Men always want to be a woman's first love, women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde.

Most women are not so young as they are painted. - Sir Max Beerbohm.

The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife. - Cyril Connolly.

When you say that you agree to a thing on principle, you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice. - Prince Otto von Bismarck.

Everyone has talent at 25. The difficulty is to have it at 50. - Edgar Degas.

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye; the more light you pour upon it, the more it will contract. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

There are several ways in which to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory. - Robert Benchley.

A prohibitionist is the sort of man one wouldn't care to drink with - even if he drank. - H.L. Mencken.

Visits always give pleasure; if not the arrival, the departure. - Portuguese proverb.

Man is what he believes. - Anton Chekhov.



Just as a surgeon was finishing an operation and was about to close, the patient awoke, sat up and demanded to know what was going on.

"I'm about to close," the surgeon said.

The patient then grabbed his hand and said, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!"

The doctor handed him the thread and said, "Suture self."

(I apologize for this one, but I couldn't resist it.)