A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't it obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and he left.
Never argue with a woman who reads; she probably also can think.


The owner of a golf course in North Dakota was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of North Dakota and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14 percent, how much would be taken off?"
The secretary thought moment, then replied, "Everything but my ear rings."


A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over. "Do you realize you were doing 80 mph in a 60 mph zone, sir?" asks the policeman.
"That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver.
The driver's wife butts in and says, "Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down."
The policeman says, "I also noticed, sir, that you didn't have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking over to your car."
"That is not true, sir; I always wear my seat belt," replies the driver.
"No, you don't, I'm always telling you to put your seat belt on," says the driver's wife.
"Stupid woman," the driver explodes. "Can't you, just for once, keep that big mouth of yours shut?"
The policeman is a bit shocked by how the driver is speaking to his wife, so he moves around to her side of the car. "Does he often speak to you like this, madam?"
"Oh, no, officer," she says. "Only when he's drunk."


A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."