Evidently, this is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida. They hired him because he was so honest and funny!

Name: Greg Bulmash

Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

Desired position: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

Desired salary: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

Education: Yes.

Last position held: Target, for middle management hostility.

Salary: Less than I'm worth.

Most notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and Post-it notes.

Reason for leaving: It sucked.

Hours available to work: Any.

Preferred hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Do you have any special skills?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

May we contact your current employer?: If I had one, would I be here?

Do you have any physical conditions that would prevent you from lifting up to 50 pounds?: Of what?

Do you have a car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

Have you received any special awards or recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

Do you smoke?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

What would you like to be doing in 5 years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?: Yes. Absolutely.

Sign here: Aries.



Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while nearby a telephone repairman worked.

"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.

"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."



The teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"No!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "No!"

By now the teacher was starting to smile, thinking, this is fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "No!"

The teacher nearly was bursting with pride for them.

"Well," she continued, "how then can I get into Heaven?"

Whereupon, a 5-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead."