Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound.

He turned to the other guy and said, "That must be a deep hole. Let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in.

They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be a verydeep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.

One man spotted a railroad tie nearby. They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed.

Soon, a man who appeared to be a farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat. One of the men told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed, this goat flying out of the woods and leaping into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if it could have been his goat.

The farmer said, "Naw, that can't be my goat. He was chained to a railroad tie."



The Army has been experimenting for years to come up with a liquid that will eat through anything and they finally did it. It eats through glass, stainless steel, iron and all kinds of metal, rock and granite.

If they now can only find something to put it in.



An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy still didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and also very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind. If he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"



This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?"

The guy shrugs and says, "I guess I'll have the bad news first."

"Well, the bad news is that you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies. The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the very bad news?"

The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is ... I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."



Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood, one from Georgia, the other from Texas, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white pillared mansion. The Georgia peach said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from Texas commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac you see parked in the drive."

Again, the belle from Texas commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the second of the ladies commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Texas lady.

"Charm school!" the first woman cried, "Land sakes, child, what on earth for?"

The Texan responded, "So that instead of saying 'Who gives a damn?' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?'"