1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

2. Why did the man cross the road? Because he heard there was a strip club there.

3. Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop to ask directions.

4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

5. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.

6. Why are blonde jokes always so short? So men can remember them.

7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Nobody knows. It never has happened.

8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? Men like that already have boyfriends.

9. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

10. When does a woman care for a man's company? When he owns it.

11. Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

12. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.



And if that's not enough for you, ladies, here are the 10 reasons God created Eve:

10. He worried that Adam would get lost in the Garden of Eden because Adam wouldn't ask for directions.

9. He knew that some day Adam would need someone to hand him the television remote control because He knew men wouldn't want to see what's on TV; they would want to see what else is on TV.

8. He knew that Adam never would make a doctor's appointment.

7. He knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, Adam never would buy a new one.

6. He knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

5. He wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but He knew Adam never would be able to handle labor pain and childbirth.

4. He knew that Adam, as the keeper of the Garden of Eden, would need help in finding his tools.

3. He knew the Apple incident was coming and that Adam would want somebody to blame for it, and also for anything else that really was Adam's fault.

2. As His Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."

And, the No. 1 reason of all: God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared:

"I can do better than that."



Some time ago, The Washington Post posed the question of why English should not have male and female nouns as do other languages. Readers were asked to assign a gender to the nouns of their choice and explain their reason for doing so. Here are the best of the submissions:

Swiss Army Knife - male, because even though it appears useful for a variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

Kidneys - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

Tire - male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

Hot air balloon - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

Web page - female, because it is always getting hit on.

Shoe - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

Copier - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up, and, because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed.

Ziploc bags - male, because they hold everything in and you can see right through them.

Subway - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

Hourglass - female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

Hammer - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

Remote control - female. Ha! You thought it should be male, but consider: It gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.