It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter.

When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."

"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go, he shows up!"



One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg.

He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?

"I know!" a little boy exclaimed. "Pantyhose!"

The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"

The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."



Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was.

Grandma answered, "39 and holding."

Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "And how old would you be if you let go?"



The Sunday school teacher asked, "Now, Bobby, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," he replied, "we don't have to. My mom is a good cook!"



"Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side. "Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.

The little boy replied, seriously, "I heard him tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit."



When the three-year-old boy opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

The mother was not so pleased. She turned to her mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

The grandmother smiled and then replied, "I remember."



"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the new employee replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"



Now, take your time and see if you can read each of these lines aloud without a mistake.

The average person can't do it.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is an cat

This is old cat

This is fool cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now, go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.



A guy walks into Dunkin' Donuts. He says. "Excuse me, miss. How many cups of coffee do you think this thermos will hold?"

The waitress says, "I think it's a seven-cup thermos."

The guy says, "All right, then, give me four black, three with cream and sugar."