This is a classified ad which appeared four days in a row, the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. I want to emphasize that such ads NEVER appeared in The Sentinel nor in any other Indiana newspaper I know about.

MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred in R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 p.m."

WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale. R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!



If you want to improve the way to describe somebody who's not too bright, here is a lexicon that might come in handy.

Three bricks shy of a load.

The elevator doesn't quite go to the top floor.

The IQ of an Oyster.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

A few clowns short of a circus.

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

One taco short of a combination plate.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

About as smart as bait.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Receiver is off the hook.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

Chimney's clogged.

Dumber than a box of hair.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off his cracker.

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.



And this is a true story about one of these people (more of them will come soon).

In Louisiana, a man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.

The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? 

$15.

(So, if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)