A man owned a small farm in Vermont. The Vermont labor board claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

"The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

"Then there's the half-wit that I keep around here. He will work about 18 hours a day if he has to and so he winds up doing about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. My wife also occasionally will let him sleep in her bedroom if he's been good."

"That's the guy I want to talk to," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.



Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on Earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.       

It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.



The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly woman's voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!. Is this 223-1374?

"No, this is 223-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"



A young lady came home very sad from a date. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."



One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously and a genie appeared. "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

"Poof!" said the genie. "You're a housewife."

Published Feb. 26, 008