The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70: Helen Hayes (at 73).

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows: Janette Barber.

Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone: Jan King.

A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!": Linda Ellerbee

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse: Lily Tomlin

You know, the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears: Geri Jewell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car: Carrie Snow

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girl friends: Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first is hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint: Erma Brombeck

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do - what he can't: Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant: Jane Sellman

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows: Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult: Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once: Jennifer Unlimited

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss ... and they called ME slow!: Kathy Buckley

Behind every successful woman ... is a substantial amount of coffee: Stephanie Piro

Behind every successful woman .... is a basket of dirty laundry: Sally Forth

Behind every successful woman ... is a man who is surprised: Carrie Snow



A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the boss standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the boss, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the boss, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girl friends when a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.

The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You must tell me what you want me to do in only three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then reached into her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills. She pressed these into the young man's hand along with her address. Then, she looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully, said, "Clean my house."