Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

Then he found out that he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died. So, he decided that he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

So he asked her to go out with him and to his astonishment, she said yes.

He chose an elegant restaurant and during their easy conversation at dinner, he said, "I may look like just an ordinary man, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

She was impressed and before they parted, she asked for his business card. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

(Women are so much better at estate planning than men.)



(Stay with me now in this one, please.)

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother - he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "DeNephew."

(Forgive me for that one.)



A patron at a restaurant was continually bothering the waiter about the air conditioning. First he would ask for the air conditioning to be turned up because it was too hot. Then he would ask it be turned down because it was too cold and this went on for about a half an hour.

To the surprise of the rest of the customers, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and being very pleasant about it all.

So finally a customer asked, "Why don't you just throw out the pest?"

"Oh, I don't care," said the waiter with a grin, "we don't even have an air conditioner."



The following comes from an article in the Western Legislatures magazine that is worth sharing:

It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts. Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.

Candidate A: Associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologists. He's had a mistress most of his adult life. He smokes 40 cigarettes a day and drinks several martinis every evening.

Candidate B: Was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks almost a quart of brandy every evening.

Candidate C: Is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any illicit affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.