This has been called a woman's perfect breakfast:

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



Consider the bear, says the woman:

You get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a female bear, your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

I wanna be a bear.



There's a guy with a Doberman Pincer and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pincer says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."       

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."      

The guy with the Doberman Pincer says, "Just follow my lead."       

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pincer puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Doberman Pincer says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pincer?" He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."

The guy at the door says, "Come on in."

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "why not?" So he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.     

The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."       

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."       

The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"       

The guy says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua!?"



A couple was making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped small letters on the wife's stomach with indelible ink.     

The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

In very small letters, it read, "When you can read this, come back and see me."



Isn't this a marvelous pick-up line?

Man: Did it hurt?

Woman: Did what hurt?

Man: When you fell from heaven, did it hurt?



A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon was a bit surprised but walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

"So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."